Christmas 2020

Christmas 2020 was my last Christmas with ex Narc. What a terrible Christmas season it was. Leading up to the end of the year Narc barely acknowledged my existence. When he was forced to speak to me it was only slightly vailed rage. Black eyes rounding out the smirk. I have never really known if Narc realizes he has a pronounced tick. Chewing on the inside of cheek with the corner of his mouth twitching and his lips repeatedly curling back on that side into his smirk, as if the words are barely containing themselves inside his mouth, fighting to be released. Distinct signs the verbal beatdown is coming. He just needs enough alcohol intake to flame his ever brewing anger and free his mouth to say what it will. It is the witching hour. That window of time when you can visibly see the alcohol working in harmony with his inner demons formulating the perfect insults. 

Just before Thanksgiving 2020, as I was gearing up for Christmas shopping, Narc let loose one of those ever increasing verbal attacks. Drunk, angry and shouting, he stated that he was broke and had no money for Christmas presents, so if Christmas purchases  are dependent on him, Christmas is canceled and I will have to be the one to tell our 8 children and grandchildren. 

I scrimped together what I could for presents, even applying for a credit card to fill the christmas gift gaps as he made good on his statement and provided zero dollars for Christmas. The back story of our financial situation is an entry for another day.  

Mid December a friend I hadn’t spoken to for a bit called. Her husband and Narc worked together. During our conversation she asked if Narc had picked up his new gun from the gun dealer yet. I had no idea what she was talking about. What gun? Narc assured me he was completely broke. Christmas was my responsibility. After the phone call I logged into Narc’s checking acct and sure enough, Narc had spent almost $4000 on himself in December 2020. I didn’t let on I knew about his expenditures. I wanted to see how he played it off. A few days later, he came in after work carrying the gun. I asked him where the money came from as he has assured me in November he was completely broke. Narc’s face went from an initial sheepish I just got caught redhanded look to eyes glazed over, turned completely black and he spit out the words- I save my money so I can buy what I want, how much money have you saved? My mouth gaped open. I had no words. I had no money to save. Every dime I had coming in had a predetermined destination. He had spent years making sure of that. 

I’m not sure if it was quilt he was feeling, but few days later Narc asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him I wanted a wedding ring in the case at Costco. 19.5 years at that point and he had never bought me a ring. Also an entry for another day. He asked want else did I want. I said a roof rack for my vehicle. He bought the roof rack. He bought himself approx $4000 worth of gun and gun paraphernalia and bought me a token $350 roof rack. I paid for 100% of the Christmas gifts for all the kids and grandkids, as well as 100% of the gifts and party related expenses for our 3 daughter’s December and January birthdays.

His spending spree on himself is just beginning. 

2 months until his adultery is laid bare in the light of day.