Alongcameanarc

I turned 60 years old 4 months ago. Yikes. 60. I don’t feel 60. Im fairly certain I don’t look 60, but 60 I am. I looked back through old texts with Ex. I think my one thing was travel. Ex never ever prioritized vacation/travel or even family time. I wanted these years to be about seeing more of the world, spending more time as a couple, exploring our world. But Ex wasn’t interested. As I scoured through our old texts I see one overwhelming truth: I was the only one of the two of us invested in our future. Im almost embarrassed at how one sided it was. Late 2019/ early 2020. Ex was disinterested. No matter how much I attempted to draw him in, he was elsewhere. He was uninterested. And non- engaged.

60. I don’t feel 60. Is that too old to venture out? To all the things Ex poo poo’d? All the things I begged him to do? It’s been 5 years. Ex has done nothing. I don’t want these years to be a continuation of nothing. The glaring realization is Ex never had an expectation of life as a retired couple.

I don’t really know what his expectation was? Maybe nothing? Maybe he just waited for the next ego supply? As I looked forward to the next life chapter? I see now we were never on the same path.

Kinda sorta but not entirely about my Narc Ex. Feeling it right now. My beautiful youngest daughter, who has been my best friend is leaving for college. She’s 22, smart, beautiful and the best of the best. She truly is lovely. Prettier than most. Striking really. She is moving out but not close by. She is moving so far away my heart worries I may never see her again. And it’s breaking my heart.

I tried so hard not to place too much on her shoulders all through the divorce. Ex has been terrible to daughter. As with his first divorce and his older two children, Ex gave her ultimatums. It’s him or her mom. No middle ground. Either she choose complete loyalty to Ex, rejecting her mother. or she’s dead to him. His older two children chose their mom after his ultimatums. Daughter chose me after Ex gave her similar ultimatums a whole decade later. I never understood him. I tried talking him down after his confrontations with his oldest son, but Ex was determined. Ex was the ‘victim’ and either his son chose Ex to the complete exclusion of his mother or Ex wanted nothing to do with his son. Ex presented almost verbatim ultimatums to our daughter.

Ex screamed at daughter. Tried guilting daughter. Tried convincing her of things that never happened. Attempted gaslighting daughter in ways that left my jaw on the floor. As I said before, daughter is smart, but also observant. And at 17 she wasn’t having it. Ex has disowned daughter. Ex has been cruel and brought his affair partner in to join in on his cruelty.

5 years. Daughter has been my friend. 17-22. But even before the divorce. We have been so close her entire life. Now she’s leaving. My heart is broken. I am so proud of her. She will accomplish everything she sets out to do, but I will miss her beyond what I can put into words.

Feeling lonely and a little obsolete

I had Ex blocked on social media for over 4 years. Even after 5 years since his affair and the starting point of our divorce, Ex’s behavior towards me is if anything getting worse. So after over 4 years of having him blovked, I unblocked Ex and began monitoring his social media posts.

Ex posts in the middle of the night and almost always deletes his crazy posts by early morning. Makes me wonder what he posted during those 4 years that I didn’t see.

Ex’s post 11/25. I’m fairly certain ‘BFC’ is Big Fucking Cunt (me). This is the second time I have seen Ex include a post concerning killing in conjunction with his derogatory posts referring to me. And once again Ex refers to his ‘3’ kids. He has 4 kids. Ex disowned our joint daughter.

12/16/25:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12/18/25:

12/23/25:

How laughable: ‘I don’t trust the intentions of anyone anymore’. Mr Adultery doesn’t ‘trust’. How pathetic and disingenuous

11/6/25:

11/9/25: What do you suppose ‘Corrective actions’ means?

11/11/25:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t believe Ex even suspects Im watching his juvenile whiny Facebook posts. Would he be embarrassed if he found out?

I wish he would just bluntly say what it is he means. It’s all up to interpretation so far. I know what i believe he is saying. Would others come to my same conclusion?

I also believe Ex’s currently off again affair partner monitors his Facebook. His posts are insane, yet she keeps allowing him to reel her back in over and over again.

The Ex keeps stating over and over and over ad nauseam that he received nothing in the divorce. He received half the assets. 1/2. Half. Divided in 2 and he walked away with one of the two halves. I will grant that the majority of his half was/is his retirement plan and the majority of my half was the equity in our marital home, but it was still half. He has approximately one more year before he can withdraw from his retirement acct penalty free. He is so dramatic. And a liar. If we had sold our marital home, we would have had to account for all the selling costs, realtor, closing etc, which would have lowered both our halves. As it is I had to refi the house and incurred all the refi costs solely myself, so in reality that fact lowered my half.

We are one month shy of 5 years since I caught Ex red handed with his married work whore affair partner and 3 years post divorce finalization. And he is still incessantly perseverating on me. I have told everyone I know, if anything ever happens to me, point all your fingers towards Ex. And take all his posts with you.

More to come:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ex deleted all his weird crazy posts last night. All of them. All the posts screen shot under this heading as well all the posts from early 2025 screen shots listed under title: ‘No longer connected’. Ex’s Facebook appears relatively ‘normal’ right this minute. This feels so much like married life with Ex. The current state of his Facebook is the Ex presented to the outside world. All the ‘crazy’ he’s deleted is the Ex behind closed doors. Two faces of the same coin. Jekyll and Hyde.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son and I went to the movie the other night. Ex kept calling and texting son’s phone over snd over while we were in the movie. I told son to text his dad that he is at a movie. Apparently Ex didn’t get the gist of son’s text. So I texted Ex on son’s phone. Here is Ex’s response to me via son’s phone:

Son returned earlier this evening from the weekend with his father. Son was super focused on what ‘dad say’ all weekend: ‘kiss mom goodbye’. We asked son why? Son said, don’t know. We asked son where does dad say mom is going? Son said don’t know, dad say leaving. Leaving to where? Son just kept repeating dad say ‘kiss mom goodbye’. Son was so adamant that’s what dad said, he called Ex saying member you said kiss mom goodbye? Member dad? You say, right dad? Ex raised his voice loud enough to hear across the room, saying I don’t know what you are talking about, then immediately ended the call. After the call ended. Son repeated himself: dad say kiss mom goodbye. Over and over the rest of the evening.

Feels ominous. I went today and did what I should have done a long time ago. I purchased additional home security system cameras.

In the end he said and did things for no other reason than to hurt, to destroy, to devalue, to make me question my entire worth, to regain control.

It was the very end that I began to recognize it started years ago.

So many whys. So many what ifs.

He shouted marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life. But why would he say that? It was simple, I wouldn’t blindly accept his edicts and he had lost control. At the time, his statement was more laughable than hurtful. We were at the point of no return. Discovering his infidelity was my saving grace. My escape. The end. And I knew my confidence was returning.

I half chuckled and said marrying you wasn’t my biggest mistake. I have 2 beautiful children I wouldn’t have if we hadn’t married. I would do it all over again in a heart beat for them. My biggest mistake was staying with you after I figured out who you are.

That moment was one of the very few times he was speechless.

But he never remained speechless, he licked his wounds, regrouped and came back full force.

Time is lessening the what ifs? What if I had done this or had done that? Would it have made a difference? No, I don’t think there is much that could have taken us from this path. He is who he is and there isn’t much I could have done to persuade him from his self righteous trajectory.

The saying goes, time heals all wounds. I do believe this is true. Up to a point. Some wounds scar over and take on a new appearance. Just as physical wounds scar over, yes they healed but they will never ever look like that smooth fresh skin that was there prior to the wounding. Some old wounds are tough and sometimes unattractive and tender to the touch. Maybe over time they become less sensitive but they never forget.

I get asked if Im dating? Why aren’t I putting yourself out there? We need to find you a boyfriend…..I cant do another Ex. Another narcissist. Another control freak. We are approaching the 5 year mark since I uncovered Ex’s affair. I haven’t dated. I haven’t put myself out there. What if? I cant get past the what if? What if he’s a closet covert narcissist like Ex? It’s safer to not find out. What if?

If it’s not one thing it’s another with Ex. But there’s always something. Control is the thing that gets him up in the morning. The thing that keeps him up at night. Control is his life’s blood. What is Ex without control? I believe that to be the very question he mulls around his head during the quiet times day after day, night after night, when there’s no outside sounds to drawn to out the voices of his inner demons.

Why is every little thing, the thing? Grappling for every small morsel of control, no matter how petty. Every inch of life a minefield. I take one small tentative step after another, bracing for his explosions. Walking on eggshells forever and ever.

I envy the people who get to walk away from their Narc Ex, block their number, block their social media, and never see or speak to them again. I envy their peace. I envy their quiet.

Bocce. Who argues over Special Olympics Bocce? My Ex. That’s who. Three years in a row. But only since he felt his self imposed control of bocce slip away. Bocce is a hill to die on I guess. A small petty hill, but a hill none-the-less. A hill rightfully belonging to our disabled son. A hill Ex has no right or business attempting to control. But here we are anyway. There is no hill Ex has ever met he isn’t willing to fight over.

The back story on Bocce: Back in 2019 Ex’s coworker at the time who also has a son with a disability introduced Ex to Bocce. That coworker was coaching the local chapter of Special Olympics Bocce. I had son enrolled in numerous other sports but had never tried Bocce. Prior to 2019 and Bocce Ex had shown only minimal interest in either of our 2 children’s sporting events. But now that he had a work connection, Ex enrolled son in Bocce and participated as son’s unified partner and the pretend public display of ‘involvement’ in front of his coworker was on full display. He ran around being ‘helpful’ and so syrupy sweet and someone I hardly recognized. This wasn’t mean, surly, disagreeable husband and father the kids and I lived with. Ex played unified bocce with son at the regional tournament. When it came time for the state tournament, Ex refused to agree to rent a motel room and told me I couldn’t go. Ex and son rode the bus with the team and stayed in the free housing Special Olympics supplied. The free housing was for the participants only. So I stayed home.

2020- Covid. Special Olympics canceled everything

2021- Still Covid: for the second year in a row Special Olympics canceled everything.

2022- third year of nothing Bocce. Son’s Saturday baseball league did start up play again this year. (12/22 our divorce was finally final.)

2023……things were sort of back to normal. Sort of. Son has played in a Saturday disabilities baseball league since he was around 5 yrs old. He loves it and of course I signed him up to play again this year. Bocce sign ups opened after the baseball league was already full swing. Ex signed son up for unified Bocce without discussing it with me ahead of time, which wasn’t a problem except for the bocce practice schedule….And Ex’s shit show begins. Ex emailed me stating he had signed son up for unified Bocce and the practices were Saturday mornings. Ex stated that he would be leaving with son after the first batting round (first inning) so he could get son to Bocce practice before it begins every Saturday. I said no. Son would need to finish the baseball game and then Ex could take him to Bocce practice late after the games were over. I told him there was only a few more weeks of baseball anyway. Ex wouldn’t accept that and the baseball coach had to intervene on son’s and my behalf. It was embarrassing and so needless. Shortly after the baseball season ended, the Bocce coach switched practices from Saturday mornings to Thursday afternoons. Son wants me to attend everything he does. I want to attend because, well, I want to be there for son. I attended every single bocce practice. Once the practices were switched to Thursdays, Ex stopped showing up. Son was upset because he knew Ex was his partner and because, simply put, Ex didn’t show up. I had to step in and be son’s practice partner. The coach kept asking me where is Ex? After this happened several weeks in a row, Coach called Ex right there during practice. Ex told coach that he wouldn’t be showing up on Thursdays because that is her (me) parenting time. The coach told Ex either he showed up to practices or son couldn’t compete. Ex started showing up to practices again after that phone call. Ex competed with son at the regional tournament that year. I went and sat with son during his down time between matches. Ex kept his back to me at all times. Even turning his chair so his back was to son and I. Eventually, Ex went and sat in his truck during down time so he didn’t have to be in close proximity to me. I honestly don’t remember why they didn’t go to the state tournament or if there even was a state tournament after the regional tournament that year.

2024-Ex had moved 4.5 hours away in January 2024, so Ex wasn’t eligible to complete with son summer of 2024. I signed son and I up for unified competition. I emailed the entire Bocce competition schedule to Ex in April 2024. The state tournament was scheduled for July and fell on ‘Ex’s weekend’. The regional tournament was in June and fell on ‘my’ weekend. Ex’s mother had called me in May. Ex’s step-father had recently passed away and she was working out dates in July to fly to our state for a small memorial for step-father. Apparently none of the west coast family flew back east for his funeral. I told her the tournament date and she repeated it back to me.

Ex came to watch the regional tournament in June. Unfortunately, Ex chose not to sit with the team, or me, and kept son off by themselves during down time between matches and seemed to be mostly on his phone not paying attention to anything including son, but he stayed until the end of the tournament.

There was approximately one month between regional and state tournaments. Shortly before the state tournament I emailed Ex a reminder of the upcoming tournament. Ex replied with a curt response stating my mother made plans for us that weekend. After some investigating on my part, I had to find out through a third party Ex and his mother planned the memorial the same weekend as the state tournament and expected son to just drop everything last minute. Ex and his mother made these plans and chose not to tell me. I had been taking son to twice weekly practices at which his upcoming tournament was discussed each time. If Ex and his mother had shown son and I even a small modicum of common curtesy and told us of their plans, I could have withdrawn son and eased him out of state tournament expectations. For the umpteenth time, Ex purposefully sabotaged my ability to make informed decisions for son. My first mistake was emailing him back and telling all this. Ex responded by telling me I do not deserve common curtesy and that he will never show me common curtesy. It was a six paragraph rehash of every perceived ‘offense’ I committed during our marriage and how I took him for everything in the divorce. It was the same old same old emails and texts he had been sending for 4 solid years. Just a complete trashing of me, my character and how much he despises me. At the end of the reply he once again told me I am ‘blocked’ and the only way I am allowed to contact him is through USPS. I have lost count of the number of times he has ‘blocked’ me so I cant reply, then unblocked so he can add heaps of trashing of me, then re- block. I used an old email address to reply and told him I was done with his abusive emails and text and was purchasing a parenting app which would be our sole communication avenue. Ex replied coping SD, our joint daughter and his mother to his response. Once again it was another multi-paragraph take down of my character, and name calling, although scaled down for his mother’s benefit. He even went so far as to say he didn’t know about the state tournament because my emails are so abusive he doesn’t read them. Which of course was an outright lie. He showed up the regional tournament which was listed in the exact same email with the state tournament dates. It was perfect example of why I was demanding accountability through a parenting app. An app that cost me $300 for the first year, but worth it to end his ability to send me such abuse anytime he wanted.

My second mistake was responding stating this whole thing is over his refusal to show me common curtesy and keep me in the loop of the plans that directly affect son and I. I had given Ex 2 dates for the entire summer and I had given Ex’s mother one date for the entire summer. And neither one of them felt it appropriate to tell me they scheduled their activities on the one and only date I had given both of them. Ex’s mother interjected herself at this point. She made it about herself and Ex and somehow I was at fault for ‘arguing’. She didn’t mention that they made plans that they unquestionably knew directly affected son and I and chose to leave us in the dark to find out last minute and third hand. She didn’t mention that my only ‘argument’ was their decision to show son and I zero common curtesy and leave us in the dark for 5 weeks and let me find out third hand.

I pulled son from the tournament last minute so he could attend the small family only memorial. Now I know Ex’s mother is most definitely one of his flying monkey minions and is as untrustworthy and toxic as Ex.

2025……

This year Ex didn’t attend son’s regional tournament. I sent Ex a message after the regional tournament letting Ex know son was advancing to state. Ex’s initial response was he wanted to switch weekends because the state tournament falls on ‘his’ weekend. I replied I assumed he would want to be with son during the tournament and this was his response. His ‘previous’ response was his demand to switch weekends.

This is his response to notification of the state tournament.

Son’s Bocce coach asked me if Ex was going to attend the tournament. I let her read the message thread. She shook her head and said why wouldn’t he want to come cheer his disabled son on?

That’s a very good question…..

All the blocking and unblocking. He likes to tell me off, tell me Im blocked, then unblock to add to it, the reblock.

The screen shot below is of a little video I had taken of Ex and our family Golden Retriever back in 2019. When I found out our dog had passed January 2022 I sent it to Ex. Im fairly certain Ex had never seen this little video prior to me texting it to him in 2022. The screen shot below the picture was Ex’s response. His response was all about the fact I hired an attorney and wouldn’t blindly accept his divorce demands. Ex took our family dog away from the kids and I in June of 2021. I was heartbroken to hear she had died. I texted the video only. No words or commentary on my part. I thought he might want this sweet little video of her. I guess he didn’t.

Here’s another stupid text exchange:

I saw ex-stepdaughter and her long time boyfriend this past Saturday. SD came to son’s baseball game. After the game I walked up and gave son a hug and said hello to SD and boyfriend. Boyfriend said hello, EX turned around backwards and ignored me, SD kept her head down and side eyed me without looking up or turning her head towards me and barely grunted a very muffled hello. My thought at the time was I don’t think she realizes just how stupid her behavior looks or that her behavior is a near identical replication of her father’s behavior.

She’s a walking talking oxymoron in the flesh. I kinda sorta get siding with your parent over your ex-step-parent in a divorce. Up to a point anyway.

She was and may still be a ‘mean girl’. She was THE mean girl during middle and high school. SD is an attractive girl. I believe her boyfriend thinks he won the trophy girl. SD was the mean girl at home as well as school. She bullied, lied about and stole from her siblings and step-siblings all throughout the years. I see a lot of Ex’s traits in her. The two sides of the same coin, sweet when she needs to be, not so sweet when it suits her. My youngest son from my first marriage and SD are 2 months apart in age and spent almost their entire school age years together. Son suffered a great deal at her hands over the years. Some of her shenanigans towards son got her in trouble at school. She treated youngest daughter with pure distain and just plain ignored youngest son.

SD lived with us full time for several years but testified against her dad in open court at least twice back in the mid 2000s. SD testified to her dad’s abusive behavior and that she wanted to live with her mom again. SD ended up back with her mom 1/2 time after that.

Ex ignored and/or excused SD’s behavior away and always blamed her behavior on SD’s mother. One example was staying out with boyfriends. My oldest daughter is 4 years older than SD. It was the same time frame for both girls but oldest daughter had already graduated high school. Ex called oldest daughter a slut to her face when she stayed out all night with her boyfriend and told her if she let on to youngest daughter where she had been he would kick her out of his house. SD was declaring she staying at her mom’s over the weekends, but we found out this was a lie. All throughout high school, SD was spending the majority of the weekends ‘camping’ with her boyfriend and her mother was covering for her. Ex said nothing to SD. I asked how is it he is calling my adult daughter a slut for staying out a handful of times and remaining silent when his teenage daughter is spending the weekends with her boyfriend. EX raged at me stating that it wouldn’t do any good to say anything to SD because her mother would let her spend the night with her boyfriend every other weekend anyway. But Ex continued to call my daughter names in front of everyone. Understandably, oldest daughter moved out of our house. And SD got a pass. There was also youngest son from first marriage GF. SD and son are the exact same age, in the same school grade. SD and her boyfriend stayed shut up in her bedroom when they were at our house. Ex said nothing to SD. Nothing. Son had a little GF for a while. The first night he took her up to his bedroom, Ex stormed up the stairs, slammed son’s bedroom door into the wall and screamed they are not allowed to be in son’s bedroom. Son’s GF ran out, left the house and broke up with son. Ex was terrifying. Again, I asked why the disparage in rules. Rage- rage was his answer.

Another example was clothes. Oldest daughter had a job and was using the lion’s share of her wages to buy herself new clothes. It wasn’t long before daughter was complaining she couldn’t find a lot of her clothes. She speculated that SD was taking her new clothes to her mother’s EOW in her backpack. SD vehemently denied taking anything. Then one weekend SD was at her mom’s posting selfies of herself and her friends online. Sure enough, SD was wearing oldest daughter’s brand new clothes. Im not talking about a shirt or two, Im talking about hundreds of dollars in new clothes, an entire wardrobe. Ex barely said anything to SD. Ex refused to address it with his ex-wife. Ex told oldest daughter there was nothing he could do and essentially told her to just suck it up. Once I had the proof SD was stealing daughter’s clothes, I started keeping anything new she purchased in my closet. SD never returned daughter’s clothes, and Ex wanted the subject dropped. Again, Ex gave SD a pass at daughter’s expense.

Ex was harsh and unloving towards my 4 kids, Step-son and our 2 kids together. Ex never hid that SD was the favored child. Although SD had flavored status with Ex, he was still an asshole even to her. Just not as big of an asshole as he was to the rest of the kids. The biggest difference between all the kids was how Ex talked to SD in baby talk. This high pitched sing song voice. Ex was talking to SD in this voice when I first met him and SD was 3 yrs old. I assumed Ex would start talking to her in a normal voice as she got older. Nope. It’s continued to this day. Youngest daughter picked up on the baby voice when she was around 11 or 12 and SD was pushing 20. Youngest daughter would shake her head and say Im the baby and dad’s never talked to me in baby talk, youngest son is disabled and dad never talks to him in baby talk. Ex did not talk to anyone except SD in baby talk Youngest daughter would ask why? Never really had an answer for her. After the divorce process started, Ex started talking to youngest son in baby talk if other people were listening, otherwise the baby talk was still reserved for SD. It’s been a disgusting and contrived display. I should add, Ex has a pretty deep voice, so the baby talk is so far from his natural voice and I cannot imagine SD hasn’t noticed what the rest of us cant not notice. SD basked in Ex’s babying when she was little but holy moly, to hear him talk to her in baby talk as an adult…Ex’s baby talk to SD is so overt all the other kids, to include youngest daughter, Ex’s daughter, refer to the baby talk as Ex’s SD voice.

SD wore her disgust for EX on her sleeve. She frequently asked why does he act like that? What’s wrong with him? And sometimes she said out loud-he’s an asshole. She told me many times she didn’t understand why Ex treated me the way he did. So on some level SD knows just what Ex is capable of.

SD continued to spend most of her weekends and evening away from the house over the next several years and we rarely saw her. She eventually moved out with her boyfriend late 2019 and we almost never saw her after that.

So it was a bit surprising, and honestly disappointing, how hard and fast SD came to her dad’s defense once his affair was finally common knowledge and I filed for divorce. SD has first hand knowledge just how bad Ex treated her mother, SD undoubted knows Ex treats me with the same psycho behavior as he treated her mother, yet SD totally rejected me and completely embraced the affair partner, actively granting her dad a pass to commit the same Narc behavior to yet another woman. And it appears Ex actually did exactly that.

SD turns 29 on her next birthday. So she’s old enough to know better.

It’s hard sometimes: remaining silent, refraining from defending yourself. Last summer youngest son was playing Bocce. The state tournament was out of town in July. I informed Ex in writing of the tournament date in April. I informed Ex’s mother of the tournament date in May over the phone. So apparently in late June Ex and his mother planned her one and only visit to our state last year the same weekend as the tournament. And neither of them had the common curtesy to give me a heads up. I found out through the grapevine last minute. They had every expectation son should just forfeit the tournament without telling me. I brought up to Ex that common curtesy dictates they inform me of the conflicting schedules. Ex replied copying SD, youngest daughter and his mother, that I didn’t deserve common curtesy and rehashing what a POS wife I was during the marriage. It was insane. Ex’s mother who should have never been copied to our conversation in the first place interjected her two cents, and in a way that told me Ex didn’t give her the whole story or at least gave her a very skewed version, or maybe she was just being the nana/mommy enabler she always has been. I still stand by the fact that if someone knowingly makes plans that directly affect me, they should tell me. Not leave me in the dark to find out third hand and last minute. Yet Ex told me in writing I didn’t deserve to be told and his mother came to his defense. If they had kept me in the loop in a timely manner son could have been better eased into not attending the tournament, instead of the last minute shit show they created.

SD and youngest daughter remained silent during this exchange but it’s clear SD frosty attitude towards me completely iced over after that.

I have learned silence can be and is golden. Why defend myself to people who think nothing of treating son and I so shabbily.

Youngest son routinely comes back from Ex telling me how badly Ex, SD and boyfriend talk about me in front of him. This is really the only area I have struggled with remaining silent. Three adults who claim to care about son trashing his mother in front of him. That’s not love, that is self serving, obtuse and tone deaf. Flying monkeys doing what flying monkeys do best…and SD is a willing and completely entrenched flying monkey.

At the ripe old age of 28.5, instead of growing up and on, SD is still the enabler, back stabber, mean girl of her youth, she just added flying monkey to her long list of personas. And that makes me kinda sad.

It wasn’t until after the divorce started and Ex was ordered out of the house and I could breathe a little that I started online searches of Ex’s behaviors. I never understood Ex’s weird obsessions centering around SD. I learned pretty early on he had SD on a pedestal. He had two kids and the disparages between their rankings in his eyes was irrational. SD couldn’t do anything wrong, and SS couldn’t do anything right. My 4 kids soon rated down with SS from the get go. One golden child and 5 scape goats. Even our two children together never ever measured up to SD. As our marriage droned on, Ex made it clear to me she rated above me too. It was so weird. Ex expected me to put him first, but he put SD first. Now I realize the terminology: triangulation. Ex uses SD as a pawn. It’s still weird. I understand the mechanics of his behavior but I still can’t wrap my head around the why. I don’t understand Ex purposefully making one child believe they are less than another in his eyes. I don’t understand making your spouse believe they are less than a child. But I do now understand it’s triangulation. I just have trouble wrapping my head around the reasoning. I lived it. Am living it. Youngest daughter lives it. It’s so purposefully hurtful. I pray SD one day realizes what is completely evident to everyone else.

1058 is not just a son of 399, but one of her famous quads born back in 2020. 399’s death last October threw me for a loop. I cried for weeks after her death. Jesus will always be my hope and strong tower who guided me thru my divorce and He will be there every step of the rest of my life. 399 was the poster child of my new found independence born out of my divorce from Ex. Her death felt like a literal slap. The sting lasting long after the news.

1058 died this week in the exact same manner his mother died last October. Hit by a car in the Grand Teton National Park area, with one big difference. The person who hit 399 called the authorities and made sure she was taken care. 1058 was found in a ditch, with injuries consistent with a car strike. And Im right back to where I was last October. In tears.

Life is so fragile and short and wildly unpredictable. 1058 just emerged from his winter’s hibernation and now his life is gone just like his mother’s.

After 399 death last fall, I purchased this beautiful photo as a reminder: Don’t wait. Do the things. I begged Ex to go see her, and as with everything in our married life, Ex dictated who, what, when and where. So we never went, never saw, never did. Period. Full stop. 399 and her cubs are my inspiration.

Ex is truly a piece of work. Ex has ignored and purposefully and publicly dissed youngest daughter for over 4 years. They have had almost zero direct communication during that same 4 plus years. The extremely few times they have communicated it has been a disagreement. The last communication Ex and daughter have had was spring of 2022 when Ex demanded high school graduation tickets for himself and affair partner. Youngest daughter told Ex she didn’t want his GF at her graduation. Ex essentially told daughter either accept my GF or don’t contact me again. They have had no communication between spring of 2022 until a few days ago. Ex sent daughter a cruel and wildly inappropriate text out of the clear blue. The text accused her of something that never happened.

Daughter speculated that maybe Ex found an old letter he received from child support enforcement and misunderstood its context. Daughter turned 21 last year and Ex’s child support obligation to her ended when she turned 21. I don’t believe Ex misunderstood an old letter. I believe Ex’s life choices have dropped him in the toilet and he is lashing out. But whether he misunderstood an old letter from last year or he just chose a random subject to lambast daughter with, Ex’s behavior isn’t normal behavior, and this text is beyond disgusting. I redacted daughter’s full name, which Ex had typed out. Ex blamed daughter for his own follies and then told her to change her name. How grotesque and low he is.

I have had Ex blocked on all social media, to include Facebook, since I found out about his affair nearly 4.5 years ago. The text to daughter is a serious red flag something has to be amiss in Ex’s life. Ex still has his Facebook set to public so anyone can go take a look. My oldest daughter did just that and found a treasure trove.

Apparently daughter has been publicly excommunicated from Ex’s life. But the reason for Ex lashing out at daughter appears to be Ex’s on again off again affair partner is apparently off again. Ex’s Facebook display is certifiable at best.

I will post those screen shots in a bit…

I have so much to say about this post. There are no whole truths, just snippets of partial truths. We are 4.5 years down the road and Ex is still perpetuating his lies. Ex has been repeating this farce about losing ‘’20 years of his life’s equity’’ since the divorce trial. ‘’Including the $470,000 house I had to sign over, vehicles I had to sign over, and anything in the house.’’. Ex makes it appear that he lost $470,000 plus cars and household items in the divorce. The truth is far from his piteous description. The house had/has a mortgage, which I was ordered to refinance in my own name. Plus the house had a $34,000 solar lean in addition to the mortgage, which I was also ordered to refi in my own name. The remaining home equity after deducting the mortgage and solar lean was very comparable to Ex’s 403b, which he was solely awarded.

I was awarded my vehicle which was financed and he was awarded his truck which was paid off. The equity in my financed vehicle was comparable to the value of his paid off truck. I refinanced my vehicle in my name only. As far as household items….Ex removed a great deal of items from the house before he was order to move out. Included in the items he removed was approximately $12,000 worth of guns, gun accessories as well as some very expensive weight equipment. The items he removed were worth at very least equal to the remaining household items, but in reality probably worth more. I was awarded my very small work retirement acct. The biggest sticking point for Ex was our 2014 Honda Civic given to our then 16 yr old daughter to drive in mid 2020. The Civic had been my daily driver since purchasing it new in 2014. I purchased a new vehicle in 2020 and we decided since we knew it was a reliable car for daughter to drive and for daughter to drive youngest son around in, it was presented to youngest daughter for her exclusive use. Ex demanded from the divorce get go that he wanted to take the car away from daughter, sell it, split the proceeds and if I wanted her to have a car to drive I would need to buy her a car out of my 1/2. And poof, just like that all the reasons daughter was driving the Civic went out Ex’s window. He was only concerned with the money at that point. I refused to sell it. By the time our divorce trial came around, daughter had been driving the car for 3 years and it became one of the hills I was willing to die on. I told my attorney I would not agree to taking the car from our daughter as she was just entering college and needed transportation and I wanted him to make a stand for keeping it at our trial. Ex sounded so petty and vindictive at trial, demanding to sell the car. The judge awarded the Civic to our daughter. Ex and I were ordered to sign the title over to daughter.

It’s almost comical Ex would bring up Disneyland. I asked him so many times to let’s take the kids but he had some lame excuse why we couldn’t/wouldn’t take them every single time I brought it up. He always feigned how ‘broke’ he was and there was no money to go, but that just wasn’t true. Family vacations, or family time period, were dead last on Ex’s priority list. Now that I don’t have to consult with Ex, we go to Disneyland. And it is so much fun. Far more fun than the years of doing nothing, but watching Ex fall asleep on the couch after drinking himself into a stupor every night.

And that’s it. He had to split ‘’20 years of equity’’ 50/50. For some reason he thought, and still thinks, he should get 100 % of ‘his equity’ rather than the half he ended up with. That’s the problem with adultery and divorce. You don’t get to cheat and walk away with everything and that chaps Ex’s ass.

A friend forwarded this from Ex’s Facebook page:

I asked my friend, so does he actually only have one friend now? Yep, Ex deleted every single Facebook friend except his apparent off again affair partner:

I wouldn’t know much of anything about Ex at this point, except for the fact he made that hideous text to our daughter a few days ago. And of course the fact he has kept his Facebook public, which begs that he is hoping people actually see his weird posts even after deleting everyone except GF. To be totally honest, I believe Ex spends inordinate amounts of time contemplating my demise. These latest posts of his haven’t changed my belief.

More to come….

Honestly, I don’t understand much of this Ex post. I think it was a drunken rant mostly. He even has the ‘interviewer’s first and last name name incorrect. The ‘interviewer’ generated by Ex’s counter filing for guardianship was indeed a retired county circuit court judge. Ex stated the ex-judge (interviewer) asked him if he was trying to take son away from his mother: the retired judge interviewer, the second interviewer, had full privy to the first ‘interviewer’s’ official report. In that first report by the first interviewer, Ex had requested the interviewer recommend our disabled son be placed in state guardianship rather than in my guardianship. Essentially, Ex had stated if I can’t have guardianship of son, I want to make sure nobody will.

I posted about the interviewer’s in a previous post. There were two interviewers. One generated by my initial petition for guardianship, at which Ex requested state guardianship, and a second interviewer generated by Ex’s counter petition for guardianship for himself. Ex is commiserating the second interviewer, initiated by his counterclaim.

Ex had literally asked the court (first court appointed interviewer) to throw the baby out with the bathwater (hand son over to the state) , and the second interviewer asked him if his intent was to take son away from me. Ex is angry the retired judge understood that Ex was more concerned with winning than Ex was with doing what was best for son. With my rebuttal to Ex’s counter filing for guardianship for himself, I included both Ex’s written divorce ‘proposals’. Ex was offering full sole custody to me in exchange for no support from him. The retired judge asked Ex why he was tying custody and support together like that. Ex said he needs to buy a house for himself and he may not be able to buy a house if he has to pay support.

In addition the interviewer Ex is complaining about interviewed son’s doctor, teacher and disability case manager. They all unanimously stated it was me who did all the things. son’s case manager said she had never even met Ex. Of the total of 33 IEP and disability services meetings since son’s birth, Ex had attend a grand total of 3 meetings. This is fact, as all of these meetings require attendance logs. Ex’s signature is only on 3.

Ex wanted to look like ‘super dad’ after the fact and after the divorce and was angry just how uninvolved he had been was becoming unavoidably apparent to the outside world.

More to come….

As I have already stated, I wouldn’t know about any of these Facebook posts of Ex’s if Ex hadn’t chosen to turn his anger towards our daughter and sent her that 1:00 am text out of the clear blue.

It appears the GF packed up and moved back to my town. Ex talked her into selling her house, quitting her job of 20 yrs and moving with him 4.5 hours north of here. And after all that she left him after only 6-7 months and moved back to where it all started. Instead of accepting his screw ups, Ex is sitting around all alone 4.5 hours north of us contemplating who he can lash out at and blame for his current plight. Namely our innocent daughter. And….writing middle of the night posts blaming me (and God) for everything wrong in his life.

More to come….

So far in his weird pity party posts when he mentions ‘karma’ it has to do with me. Then followed the karma post with a song about killing. I realize Ex may have been thinking of someone else, maybe the now ex-adultery partner GF, but honestly I believe Ex perseverates on my demise. Ex posted the 3 posts directly above, then deleted the 2nd and 3rd posts the next day. Ex is seriously off. And terrifying.

It’s really amazing how he takes absolutely no responsibility for anything and even goes so far as to say if women were in danger of losing everything in addition to their man maybe they would try harder in the marriage. Amazing- no accountability. No culpability. No responsibility for the man. No admissions that maybe, just maybe he is the one in wrong. Goodness

And I believe Ex fantasies about my demise

More to come…..

If I ever pause to second guess my memories of how horrible Ex is, today is one of those days that re-cements that yes he is that bad. No question.

Today was a Special Olympics tournament. Son sees his dad every other weekend. This tournament weekend son is with me so I took him to the venue. I don’t know ahead of time for sure Ex will attend son’s tournament.

I haven’t written about it yet but Ex moved 4.5 hours north of us 14 months ago. Ex 100% blamed me as his reasoning for this job change in his December 2023 notification of his impending 1/24 move. I looked up the online ad posting for his new job. He 100% took this new job for the salary increase and sign on bonus, but it sounds better to tell me, and anyone else listening, he’s moving away because of me. This move eliminated Ex’s every Tuesday dinner night with son.

Son stated his dad would attend the tournament, so I suspected he would. According to son, Ex would be bringing his GF, Ex’s older daughter and her boyfriend.

Ex showed up in time for son’s first game alone. And appeared surly from minute one.

5 of son’s siblings came to cheer son on. My oldest 4 children from my first marriage and youngest daughter, plus one of my daughters-in-law, my son-in-law, grand-daughter and youngest daughter’s boyfriend.

When older son2 arrived, he went to son and gave him a hug. I don’t know where Ex had disappeared to but he suddenly reappeared standing behind son. Son asked older son2 to say hi to his dad. The rest of us were across the court sitting on the bleachers watching the spectacle unfold. Son2 waved to Ex and said Hi. Instead of Ex saying hi to son2, Ex turned around to face the wall, and remained facing the wall until son2 walked back to the rest of our group. Son2’s wife commented, you were completely ignored. Son2 said yeah I was, I said hi to Ex for son’s sake but Ex couldn’t bring himself to do the same.

Ex skirted around the edges the first 2 games, looking down, playing on his phone and acting completely disinterested in the games. He did pull out his selfie stick and record son’s on court play time, but went right back to head down playing on his phone as soon as son was on the bench. I did not witness Ex cheering even once the entire day. Son likes to wave at his dad and I while sitting on the bench and I watched son become visibly frustrated trying to get Ex’s attention. Ex was looking down. It was the same at the few practices Ex attended. He was almost exclusively looking down at his phone the entire time.

After game 2, there was a break for a hosted lunch. Ex disappeared at the beginning of the lunch break. He reappeared just before it was time to head to the court for game 3. Son and I were sitting on the bleachers with son’s team. I saw Ex come through the doors on the opposite side. Ex called son’s cell phone telling him to get up and come to him. Son kept saying where are you? I pointed across the way and said he’s over there. Ex was motioning for son to leave me and his team and come over to where he is. Why cant Ex be a civil adult and walk over and say hello and ask son if he wants to go for a walk instead skulking around drawing son away from everyone?

Later, at the end of son’s 3rd game, son walked over to Ex, who was sitting next to a woman Ex very briefly lived with over the summer of 2023. Ex and the affair partner GF broke up for most of 2023 and Ex was on the prowl for a new girlfriend and briefly found one.

The woman was friendly to me, but Ex stood up and turned sideways facing away from me. Son said dad say hi to mom. Ex turned completely around away me and said nothing. The woman walked away. Since there was a 2 hour down time until the 4th game, I said to Ex would you like to keep son with you until 4th game? Ex growled ‘’it doesn’t matter!, then said NO!’’ and stormed off as fast as his feet could take him.

Son spent the rest of the day perseverating over ‘why dad no want me?’ And ‘why dad so mean to mom?’

Ex is satisfied with burning himself down as long as he believes he is taking me down too. I just thought Ex might like to spend a couple hours with son. Apparently not.

And all the bad memories of life with Ex come flooding back. This was 20 years of day to day life. Ex is trying his best to utilize his tried and true silent treatment. And he’s looking and acting like a pathetic fool out in public