Alongcameanarc

Ex’s Facebook post tonight:

He sounds so jealous, envious even. ‘How completely different his life would be’ if he were a monogamous, faithful loving husband rather than the lying, cheating, thieving, POS he really is?? He did receive ‘50%’. His 50% was his retirement acct. I received an equal amount as equity in the marital home. Along with the equity, I have a rather large mortgage because we didn’t own the house outright. He has a rather large sum of money sitting in an acct. I have mortgage and no big pot of money. But all that and why doesn’t he just rent a place to live?? Why is he stating it like buying a house is some competition with me.

Why even bring up Disneyland? All the years we were married. All the years I asked and asked for Disneyland. All the years he made it his life’s goal to make sure we never went simply because it was what I wanted. Even though we could have easily afforded it. Even though we lived within driving distance. All the years he flatly refused to do almost anything family related and ruined the extremely few things we did do. So why does me taking our son to do all the things he refused to do matter to him now?

It’s all so gross. He is so gross. How is he not embarrassed by all the whining?

I’d have to say the on again/off again girlfriend/affair partner is off again. So he perseverates on me. Five years, 3 months. Five years….and he still perseverates on me. But at the same time, I also believe he is trying to real GF back in. Look at me, poor poor pitiful me, I need someone else’s money to combine with my money to buy a house equal to the one I lost in the divorce. Hint hint GF….

The fact that she was with Ex just a few weeks ago begs she just may be stupid enough to fall for it….

I watched a new 48 Hours mystery tonight and it got me to thinking. The husband in the show was using his cell phone to research his death plan and the police went thru his search history. This show brought back a memory I had forgotten about. Ex upgraded his phone from a Samsung to an iPhone shorty before I caught him with his affair partner. I looked through his iPhone and didn’t find anything suspicious. But Ex hung onto the Samsung and after I found out about the affair I discovered Ex was using the old disconnected Samsung for wifi internet searches.

But it makes me wonder. What if that husband had used an old disconnected phone for his evil searches instead of his current connected phone, would the police have found the evil searches?

Tonight:

How does he remove me from his life? He says he can’t do so legally…..I believe he is working on a course of action in his head. He’s playing and replaying my demise attempting to perfect his plan.

Yet again I was, according to EX, given ‘100% of everything’. He received 1/2. HALF. One half of our marital assets. I refi’d the house 3 yrs, 2 months ago. His VA loan has been free and clear for him to reuse again for the last 3 yrs, 2 months. The only alternative to how the judge divided assets would have been to sell the house and split the left over equity after selling costs, and then divide his 403b acct in half and split between the two of us. The equity was virtually identical to the balance in his 403b and I wanted the house.

Gaslighting, delusion or just plain old liar? Actually they all fit.

Ex was writing monthly checks for the spousal support. I believe he savored writing those checks. Every month was a new and different vile name written in the notes section of the checks. Ex’s visible tantrums every month. My attorney asked at the final divorce trial for a withholding order. Ex argued against withholding because he ‘pays his bills’. The judge ordered withholding.

This still begs: Why can’t he rent? Why is it a house ‘decades older’ or ‘homeless in his van’? Why are these the only options? Drama drama drama

February 2026 marks 5 years. 5 years since I caught him red handed having an affair. 3 yrs, 2 months since our divorce was finalized.

‘’That is 100% of my problem.’’: When is he going to move on? Get a life? Stop perseverating on me? His ‘problem’ is his heart is full of hate and grudge holding. His ‘problem’ is he lost control and it’s eating him alive.

Son spent the weekend with Ex, but he is home now. As usual when son returns from Ex, it’s all the ‘dad say’. So for the umpteenth time I got to hear dad say mom bad wife, dad say mom steal dad money, dad say he want son to live with him. All the yada yada yada son has returned with time after time. But this time, son had a ‘dad say’ I never heard before. I’ve never heard this but it did fill in a hole in the story of something that happened 4 years ago. And Im hurt and angry with Ex all over again.

We as a family bought a sweet little 9 week old golden retriever. She was our family dog. Son and daughter were young. They grew up with her. She was their dog, our dog.

At our temporary divorce hearing in May, 2021, the kids and I were awarded sole occupancy of our home. Ex was given 30 days to vacate. The 30 longest days of my life. He made life extra hell during that time. I remember that extreme trepidation I felt when the judge said 30 days. My attorney said it’ll be OK, they always run to the house and pack and are out in a day or two, sometimes even a few hours later. I looked at my attorney and said you don’t understand, ex will drag this out to the bitter end. And that is exactly what Ex did. He stayed until 2 hours before the 5:00 deadline on the 30th day.

Although Ex had already absconded with tens of thousands of dollars of personal assets from the house, on that 30th day, he started packing out anything he could lay hands on. And lastly, the golden retriever. I told him she was the family dog. She needed to stay with the kids. Ex told me fuck you and said I will make sure you never see her again and walked out with her, as well as another of our dogs. The other dog, a Turkish Kangal, was arguably Ex’s dog. The Golden Retriever was the family dog. From June 2021-January 2022, Ex fulfilled his promise. I was not allowed to see her. Ex had her in his truck during pickups with son. Ex drove around with the windows down. Both dogs would hang out the window, so excited to see me. If I approached the truck to pet them, Ex immediately rolled the windows up. Pure unadulterated pettiness.

January 2022, I did get to see her one last time. Lying on the bed of his truck. Dead. Ex had sent a long convoluted group text to his mother, step-daughter, adultery partner and our daughter. He went on about how he had lost the most important thing in his life. Daughter wanted to see her one last time, but she didn’t want to go alone. I went with daughter to step- daughter’s house for a last viewing. It was heartbreaking. I don’t actually know why Ex included daughter on the group text. They hadn’t spoken in 7 months at that point. After months of horrible behavior towards daughter, I believe Ex thought it was his sympathy inroad to daughter. No admissions of guilt or wrong doing on his part, just a look at poor woe is me, I lost my beloved dog. But our 18 year old daughter wanted what we all wanted. An apology, a I was wrong and Im sorry. But that never materialized. What I can say for certain, Ex had fulfilled his promise that I would never see our family dog again.

I did make a huge mistake the day I found out she died. I sent Ex a little short but sweet video of our dog that Im fairly certain Ex had never seen before. As is Ex’s established MO, instead of simply saying thank you, he used yet another opportunity to trash me.

In August of 2022 son showed me a picture Ex sent him via text. Ex had a golden retriever tattooed on his boob.

I never understood Ex’s seemly drunken really off post from April 2025:

But now it makes sense. Tonight’s the ‘dad say’. Son said ‘dad say’ she died choking on a Costco hot dog. So Ex was up in the middle of the night while son was sleeping, feeding our beautiful 7 year old golden retriever a left over Costco hot dog and she choked to death. How drunk do you have to be to feed your dog a large hot dog in the middle of the night then sit there and watch while the dog chokes to death on that hot dog? Heavy Sigh

Ex took our beautiful family dog away from us and then killed her. The story 4 years ago never added up. How did a seemingly health vibrant 7 year old golden retriever just suddenly drop dead? That answer finally came today. And I feel sick. She would more than likely still be with us if Ex hadn’t used her as a pawn in his hate filled games of control. I wish I had that 30th day to do over again. I would take her for a drive and not be home until after Ex’s 5:00 pm deadline.

The man has destroys Every. Single. Thing. he touches.

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This was 2/1/26. I still feel sick. He gave our sweet beautiful Golden a Costco hot dog in the middle of the night. And here Ex is giving our other sweet dog pizza in the night.Why? There’s something inherently wrong with Ex. I worry. What is next?

How disappointing. So many unhinged posts. Thank goodness for screen shots. Locking it down now doesn’t change a year’s worth of unhinged. I was hoping beyond hoping for the screen shot ‘proof’ Ex is contemplating my demise rather than a year’s worth of alluding to his wet dreams of my demise. Or maybe he just deleted all his unhinged crazy posts, took a few days break from additional crazy posts and there’s more to come.

Or maybe Ex’s on again/off again work whore affair partner is currently giving him all the on again kudos and he’s silent for a bit. Ex did post the most ridiculous post a few nights ago. I looked back a few hours later and there was one like. Work whore liked Ex’s post. Work whore and Ex aren’t Facebook friends. So she’s stalking. Yeah I know. Im checking out his profile too.

One funny thing about Ex’s profile. He has our ‘divorce’ date a whole year wrong. How does someone who hates me this much get that date wrong?

Maybe Ex didn’t privatize his Facebook. I don’t know. He posted this at 1:00 am and deleted it a few hours later. Still trying to convince affair partner he can change. Lol. Ex is almost 60. He’s only gotten worse over the years. I envy affair partner one thing: she can, and apparently has dumped Ex and has the ability to never see or hear from him ever again. I don’t that luxury, and probably never will.

I turned 60 years old 4 months ago. Yikes. 60. I don’t feel 60. Im fairly certain I don’t look 60, but 60 I am. I looked back through old texts with Ex. I think my one thing was travel. Ex never ever prioritized vacation/travel or even family time. I wanted these years to be about seeing more of the world, spending more time as a couple, exploring our world. But Ex wasn’t interested. As I scoured through our old texts I see one overwhelming truth: I was the only one of the two of us invested in our future. Im almost embarrassed at how one sided it was. Late 2019/ early 2020. Ex was disinterested. No matter how much I attempted to draw him in, he was elsewhere. He was uninterested. And non- engaged.

60. I don’t feel 60. Is that too old to venture out? To all the things Ex poo poo’d? All the things I begged him to do? It’s been 5 years. Ex has done nothing. Nothing, but complain about me and continue years of nothing. I don’t want these years to be a continuation of nothing. The glaring realization is Ex never had an expectation of life as a retired couple.

I don’t really know what his expectation was? Maybe nothing? Maybe he just waited for the next ego supply? As I looked forward to the next life chapter? I see more clearly now we were never on the same path. I see too, the begging for attention started a long time ago.

Below is a screen shot of a text I sent Ex after I found out I had received a pretty big promotion at work. I took pictures of my new office and work station. Ex commented on the monitors only. Nothing else. I asked him later, what did he think because he never said anything. I said isn’t it really nice? Ex’s reply: ‘What do you expect on the taxpayer’s dime?’ Something really important to me is degraded. No, yes it’s really great! No, congratulations. No, nothing. Just your monitor is too high and the taxpayers took a hit.

Yes, it was a public service job. But I worked hard for that promotion. Ex acted more jealous than anything.

I texted I love you. He wouldn’t respond for hours, then say ‘busy’ or ‘ sorry, just saw your text’. But no I love you too. I settled for scraps far far far too long.

I have so far had my children to venture out with me over the last 5 years, and we have ventured quite a bit. But now it’s totally on me. Im nervous and intimidated by the thoughts of complete self reliance in travel. I have something big planned in a few months. It’s been in the works for well over a year. It’s big, really big. At least big in my world. Here’s to self reliance.

Kinda sorta but not entirely about my Narc Ex. Feeling it right now. My beautiful youngest daughter, who has been my best friend is leaving for college. She’s 22, smart, beautiful and the best of the best. She truly is lovely. Prettier than most. Striking really. She is moving out but not close by. She is moving so far away my heart worries I may never see her again. And it’s breaking my heart.

I tried so hard not to place too much on her shoulders all through the divorce. Ex has been terrible to daughter. As with his first divorce and his older two children, Ex gave her ultimatums. It’s him or her mom. No middle ground. Either she choose complete loyalty to Ex, rejecting her mother. or she’s dead to him. His older two children chose their mom after his ultimatums. Daughter chose me after Ex gave her similar ultimatums a whole decade later. I never understood him. I tried talking him down after his confrontations with his oldest son, but Ex was determined. Ex was the ‘victim’ and either his son chose Ex to the complete exclusion of his mother or Ex wanted nothing to do with his son. Ex presented almost verbatim ultimatums to our daughter.

Ex screamed at daughter. Tried guilting daughter. Tried convincing her of things that never happened. Attempted gaslighting daughter in ways that left my jaw on the floor. As I said before, daughter is smart, but also observant. And at 17 she wasn’t having it. Ex has disowned daughter. Ex has been cruel and brought his affair partner in to join in on his cruelty.

5 years. Daughter has been my friend. 17-22. But even before the divorce. We have been so close her entire life. Now she’s leaving. My heart is broken. I am so proud of her. She will accomplish everything she sets out to do, but I will miss her beyond what I can put into words.

Feeling lonely and a little obsolete

I had Ex blocked on social media for over 4 years. Even after 5 years since his affair and the starting point of our divorce, Ex’s behavior towards me is if anything getting worse. So after over 4 years of having him blovked, I unblocked Ex and began monitoring his social media posts.

Ex posts in the middle of the night and almost always deletes his crazy posts by early morning. Makes me wonder what he posted during those 4 years that I didn’t see.

Ex’s post 11/25. I’m fairly certain ‘BFC’ is Big Fucking Cunt (me). This is the second time I have seen Ex include a post concerning killing in conjunction with his derogatory posts referring to me. And once again Ex refers to his ‘3’ kids. He has 4 kids. Ex disowned our joint daughter.

12/16/25:

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12/18/25:

12/23/25:

How laughable: ‘I don’t trust the intentions of anyone anymore’. Mr Adultery doesn’t ‘trust’. How pathetic and disingenuous

11/6/25:

11/9/25: What do you suppose ‘Corrective actions’ means?

11/11/25:

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I don’t believe Ex even suspects Im watching his juvenile whiny Facebook posts. Would he be embarrassed if he found out?

I wish he would just bluntly say what it is he means. It’s all up to interpretation so far. I know what i believe he is saying. Would others come to my same conclusion?

I also believe Ex’s currently off again affair partner monitors his Facebook. His posts are insane, yet she keeps allowing him to reel her back in over and over again.

The Ex keeps stating over and over and over ad nauseam that he received nothing in the divorce. He received half the assets. 1/2. Half. Divided in 2 and he walked away with one of the two halves. I will grant that the majority of his half was/is his retirement plan and the majority of my half was the equity in our marital home, but it was still half. He has approximately one more year before he can withdraw from his retirement acct penalty free. He is so dramatic. And a liar. If we had sold our marital home, we would have had to account for all the selling costs, realtor, closing etc, which would have lowered both our halves. As it is I had to refi the house and incurred all the refi costs solely myself, so in reality that fact lowered my half.

We are one month shy of 5 years since I caught Ex red handed with his married work whore affair partner and 3 years post divorce finalization. And he is still incessantly perseverating on me. I have told everyone I know, if anything ever happens to me, point all your fingers towards Ex. And take all his posts with you.

More to come:

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Ex deleted all his weird crazy posts last night. All of them. All the posts screen shot under this heading as well all the posts from early 2025 screen shots listed under title: ‘No longer connected’. Ex’s Facebook appears relatively ‘normal’ right this minute. This feels so much like married life with Ex. The current state of his Facebook is the Ex presented to the outside world. All the ‘crazy’ he’s deleted is the Ex behind closed doors. Two faces of the same coin. Jekyll and Hyde.

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Son and I went to the movie the other night. Ex kept calling and texting son’s phone over snd over while we were in the movie. I told son to text his dad that he is at a movie. Apparently Ex didn’t get the gist of son’s text. So I texted Ex on son’s phone. Here is Ex’s response to me via son’s phone:

Son returned earlier this evening from the weekend with his father. Son was super focused on what ‘dad say’ all weekend: ‘kiss mom goodbye’. We asked son why? Son said, don’t know. We asked son where does dad say mom is going? Son said don’t know, dad say leaving. Leaving to where? Son just kept repeating dad say ‘kiss mom goodbye’. Son was so adamant that’s what dad said, he called Ex saying member you said kiss mom goodbye? Member dad? You say, right dad? Ex raised his voice loud enough to hear across the room, saying I don’t know what you are talking about, then immediately ended the call. After the call ended. Son repeated himself: dad say kiss mom goodbye. Over and over the rest of the evening.

Feels ominous. I went today and did what I should have done a long time ago. I purchased additional home security system cameras.

In the end he said and did things for no other reason than to hurt, to destroy, to devalue, to make me question my entire worth, to regain control.

It was the very end that I began to recognize it started years ago.

So many whys. So many what ifs.

He shouted marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life. But why would he say that? It was simple, I wouldn’t blindly accept his edicts and he had lost control. At the time, his statement was more laughable than hurtful. We were at the point of no return. Discovering his infidelity was my saving grace. My escape. The end. And I knew my confidence was returning.

I half chuckled and said marrying you wasn’t my biggest mistake. I have 2 beautiful children I wouldn’t have if we hadn’t married. I would do it all over again in a heart beat for them. My biggest mistake was staying with you after I figured out who you are.

That moment was one of the very few times he was speechless.

But he never remained speechless, he licked his wounds, regrouped and came back full force.

Time is lessening the what ifs? What if I had done this or had done that? Would it have made a difference? No, I don’t think there is much that could have taken us from this path. He is who he is and there isn’t much I could have done to persuade him from his self righteous trajectory.

The saying goes, time heals all wounds. I do believe this is true. Up to a point. Some wounds scar over and take on a new appearance. Just as physical wounds scar over, yes they healed but they will never ever look like that smooth fresh skin that was there prior to the wounding. Some old wounds are tough and sometimes unattractive and tender to the touch. Maybe over time they become less sensitive but they never forget.

I get asked if Im dating? Why aren’t I putting yourself out there? We need to find you a boyfriend…..I cant do another Ex. Another narcissist. Another control freak. We are approaching the 5 year mark since I uncovered Ex’s affair. I haven’t dated. I haven’t put myself out there. What if? I cant get past the what if? What if he’s a closet covert narcissist like Ex? It’s safer to not find out. What if?