2019

I have read many times narcissists will treat their significant others with such absolute horrific behavior in order to provoke them to leave so the Narc will look like the victim who was left. Looking back, 2019 was that year.

Silent treatment is Narc’s absolute go to. Funny Narc never told me about the silent treatment when describing himself before we were married, but oh man, I learned how adept at silence he is within days of living in the same household. No eye contact, side eye sneers, refusing to acknowledge me when I spoke to him, even pretending I wasn’t in the room, speaking louder than me to the kids when I was speaking to one of our kids as if I wasn’t there, ignoring phone calls and texts, flying into a rage if I attempted to force conversation. And all the same things Narc’s first wife described in great detail had taken place during her marriage to Narc. 

Although the silent treatment had been prevalent our entire marriage, 2018 brought an almost continuous deafening silence. His nightly routine was to sit on the couch with his laptop on his lap, head phones on, music blaring at 100%, surfing the net and getting drunker by the minute, only leaving the couch to use the bathroom or refill his 20 oz mug. His extreme drunkenness loosened that steel trap door on his silence, allowing glimpses into his black heart. Out of his drunken black heart poured all manner of cutdowns and name calling.

Our teenage youngest child was voicing her embarrassment at her friends coming over to visit and seeing Narc stumble into walls and furniture and hearing Narc yell derogatory remarks.

Narc perseverated on buying a travel trailer in early 2019, stating he wanted to start camping. We took the camper out for a couple overnights at local camp grounds right after we purchased it. It wasn’t fun at all. Same old drinking, new location.

By mid 2019, Narc wasn’t even attempting to hide his disdain for me. At times the enjoyment he took in attacking my self worth was written across his self satisfied shit eating smirk he appeared incapable of hiding. One such memorable encounter, I walked up behind Narc and put my arms around his waist. Narc turned around and stated in his most snarky tone-I feel you admiring my physique, too bad I cant reciprocate. The look that passed across his face was hate. I remember how black his eyes looked as I backed away from him. On another occasion, after yet another attack on my weight, I made the mistake of stating that I was trying to lose weight, to which Narc outright screamed that I wasn’t trying. He screamed that the way to lose weight was to STOP eating. He said that he had calculated out the number of calories he needed to intake in order to lose weight, furthering that he calculated his alcohol calories because he wanted to drink and deducted the necessary calories from food. Narc was eating one very small meal once a day almost immediately after arriving home from work and that was it. The rest of the evening was devoted to alcohol. Narc wrote and sent me an email, telling me my weight did not match his body image and he couldn’t bring himself to be physically close with someone that looked like me. I admit was approx 12 pounds heavier than when we met and married, but this was over the top and the thing he harped on almost daily. I said I don’t understand, Im not significantly heavier than when we met. Black eyes beamed directly at my eyes, nostrils flaring, and with that ever present smirk he sneered- I know. I tolerated your weight back when I thought I loved you, but you haven’t lived up to my expectations and I cant overlook it anymore. If words could manifest as a slap, this was it. Also of note, Narc was on a diet. He wanted to lose weight so he restricted himself to one baked chicken breast with some no calorie dressing that smelled like paint thinner. And if he was super hungry, he added cottage cheese with sriracha as a snack. And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

I demanded marriage counseling. We ended up seeing separate counselors. Narc went to one session, but told me the counselor wasn’t a good fit and refused to go again.

Narc’s mother came for a visit. Narc and I were not speaking. The day MIL arrived, Narc put on a huge show, purchasing a big bouquet of roses for me and telling me he loved me in front of his mother. And he was nice, at least for the length of her visit. Im not sure if her plane had even taxied down the runway before he reverted to pre visit behavior.