Early 2021

2021 rolled around and I couldn’t bare to be in the living room once Ex started drinking anymore. I was hiding out in the master bedroom watching TV by myself most evenings hoping to avoid his verbal beatdowns. Our youngest child could now drive and avoided being home in the evening, going to her friend’s houses instead. Ex let me know nightly how infuriated he was that she wasn’t staying home and having her friends over to our house. He seemed to be oblivious to the negative impact his drinking was having on everyone. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

February 2021. Ex was once again increasingly perseverating on buying a new much larger travel trailer. He was almost giddy about the trailer he wanted, but told me there wasn’t one locally and he would have to wait until another came in. After picking our two youngest up from school, the 3 of us went to the RV dealership to look around at the trailers. I told the salesman who my husband was and he said yeah the trailer he ordered will be here tomorrow, want to tour a similar model to get a feel for it? I was in shock. Narc had not said anything about ordering one and having it shipped from a sister dealership in another state. I got a lot of word salad when I asked Narc what was going on. February 16th, Narc got ready for work as any other day and left the house. I found out later that day that he took the morning off to go purchase the travel trailer. I asked him if he needed me to come down to sign any paperwork. He said no, he’s in a hurry to get back to work and doesn’t have time to wait around for me to be added to the paperwork. He will just take care of it. Now we had 2 financed travel trailers, 2 storage lot fees and insurance for 2.

The next week was the usual, Ex was drunk and surly every night. February 25th was the first night of the end. Ex started drinking early and heavy. He was extremely drunk, slurring, yelling. But tonight was a bit different, more forceful, more hateful, just more. Narc was yelling that he hated me, that I was fat, a pathetic wife and that he didn’t want to be married to me among other things. I said you’re saying you want a divorce? He screamed I want a divorce. Then just like that, he sat down, laid his head back on the couch back and was snoring. February 26th Narc got up, got ready for work, came home after work acting as if the previous evening had never happened. That part wasn’t completely unusual. He never took any responsibility and never apologized, just acted as if nothing had transpired. But he had been so drunk I wondered if he even remembered what he had said. February 27th was a Saturday. Narc got up and stated he was behind at work and needed to go in for a few hours to get caught up. After he left, I logged into his personal email and there it was. A letter he wrote to his married work whore. It was weird and juvenile and referenced sexual encounters. The thing that stood out was the quote – ‘I will eliminate all obstacles to be with you’. I had been referred to as an ‘obstacle’. I remember my very first thought was- Thank God, it’s over. But I also felt numb. No anger, no sadness, no nothing. I spent the day with friend and contemplating my next move. I didn’t say anything to Narc that evening. It was a typical evening. Narc drank himself to sleep sitting on the couch, listening to his blaring music. I printed the email and laid it next to the coffee pot. I knew he would find it early in the morning. Narc has always claimed he prided himself on his integrity morals and values. I wrote at the bottom of the page I didn’t think he understood the meaning of those words. I woke up early and walked downstairs. He was sitting on the couch and I knew by the look on his face he had found the email. I walked up behind him and leaned in. I said given what I now have proof of you have no business ever stepping foot in my bedroom ever again. Get your stuff out right now. He shot up like a bat out of hell and flew up the stairs. I heard a lot of banging around up there. The loud noises were him dragging his dresser out of the master bedroom down the hall into the spare bedroom. I don’t remember everything I said to him that morning. But I do remember 19 years of pent up frustration spilling out. I didn’t hold back. I can only describe his behavior as cowardly and resembled a suddenly trapped caged animal. It was comical yet pathetic to watch. It was also the only time I remember him with no words in the moment. He typically cut me down to size if I ever questioned him. I guess he didn’t want to hear my perspective as eventually he ran out the front door and drove away. 

He was gone the entire day, returning in the evening. It was evident the moment he walked in he had spent the day formulating his justification for his affair as he immediately went on the verbal attack. I was to blame for everything. He stated that he didn’t ‘cheat’ and made large air quotations as he said the word cheat. He stated that I had already broken the marriage vows by being such a pathetic disgusting wife so he was free to move on.