3/15/24

If I ever pause to second guess my memories of how horrible Ex is, today is one of those days that re-cements that yes he is that bad. No question.

Today was a Special Olympics tournament. Son sees his dad every other weekend. This tournament weekend son is with me so I took him to the venue. I don’t know ahead of time for sure Ex will attend son’s tournament.

I haven’t written about it yet but Ex moved 4.5 hours north of us 14 months ago. Ex 100% blamed me as his reasoning for this job change in his December 2023 notification of his impending 1/24 move. I looked up the online ad posting for his new job. He 100% took this new job for the salary increase and sign on bonus, but it sounds better to tell me, and anyone else listening, he’s moving away because of me. This move eliminated Ex’s every Tuesday dinner night with son.

Son stated his dad would attend the tournament, so I suspected he would. According to son, Ex would be bringing his GF, Ex’s older daughter and her boyfriend.

Ex showed up in time for son’s first game alone. And appeared surly from minute one.

5 of son’s siblings came to cheer son on. My oldest 4 children from my first marriage and youngest daughter, plus one of my daughters-in-law, my son-in-law, grand-daughter and youngest daughter’s boyfriend.

When older son2 arrived, he went to son and gave him a hug. I don’t know where Ex had disappeared to but he suddenly reappeared standing behind son. Son asked older son2 to say hi to his dad. The rest of us were across the court sitting on the bleachers watching the spectacle unfold. Son2 waved to Ex and said Hi. Instead of Ex saying hi to son2, Ex turned around to face the wall, and remained facing the wall until son2 walked back to the rest of our group. Son2’s wife commented, you were completely ignored. Son2 said yeah I was, I said hi to Ex for son’s sake but Ex couldn’t bring himself to do the same.

Ex skirted around the edges the first 2 games, looking down, playing on his phone and acting completely disinterested in the games. He did pull out his selfie stick and record son’s on court play time, but went right back to head down playing on his phone as soon as son was on the bench. I did not witness Ex cheering even once the entire day. Son likes to wave at his dad and I while sitting on the bench and I watched son become visibly frustrated trying to get Ex’s attention. Ex was looking down. It was the same at the few practices Ex attended. He was almost exclusively looking down at his phone the entire time.

After game 2, there was a break for a hosted lunch. Ex disappeared at the beginning of the lunch break. He reappeared just before it was time to head to the court for game 3. Son and I were sitting on the bleachers with son’s team. I saw Ex come through the doors on the opposite side. Ex called son’s cell phone telling him to get up and come to him. Son kept saying where are you? I pointed across the way and said he’s over there. Ex was motioning for son to leave me and his team and come over to where he is. Why cant Ex be a civil adult and walk over and say hello and ask son if he wants to go for a walk instead skulking around drawing son away from everyone?

Later, at the end of son’s 3rd game, son walked over to Ex, who was sitting next to a woman Ex very briefly lived with over the summer of 2023. Ex and the affair partner GF broke up for most of 2023 and Ex was on the prowl for a new girlfriend and briefly found one.

The woman was friendly to me, but Ex stood up and turned sideways facing away from me. Son said dad say hi to mom. Ex turned completely around away me and said nothing. The woman walked away. Since there was a 2 hour down time until the 4th game, I said to Ex would you like to keep son with you until 4th game? Ex growled ‘’it doesn’t matter!, then said NO!’’ and stormed off as fast as his feet could take him.

Son spent the rest of the day perseverating over ‘why dad no want me?’ And ‘why dad so mean to mom?’

Ex is satisfied with burning himself down as long as he believes he is taking me down too. I just thought Ex might like to spend a couple hours with son. Apparently not.

And all the bad memories of life with Ex come flooding back. This was 20 years of day to day life. Ex is trying his best to utilize his tried and true silent treatment. And he’s looking and acting like a pathetic fool out in public