What isn’t

I turned 60 years old 4 months ago. Yikes. 60. I don’t feel 60. Im fairly certain I don’t look 60, but 60 I am. I looked back through old texts with Ex. I think my one thing was travel. Ex never ever prioritized vacation/travel or even family time. I wanted these years to be about seeing more of the world, spending more time as a couple, exploring our world. But Ex wasn’t interested. As I scoured through our old texts I see one overwhelming truth: I was the only one of the two of us invested in our future. Im almost embarrassed at how one sided it was. Late 2019/ early 2020. Ex was disinterested. No matter how much I attempted to draw him in, he was elsewhere. He was uninterested. And non- engaged.

60. I don’t feel 60. Is that too old to venture out? To all the things Ex poo poo’d? All the things I begged him to do? It’s been 5 years. Ex has done nothing. I don’t want these years to be a continuation of nothing. The glaring realization is Ex never had an expectation of life as a retired couple.

I don’t really know what his expectation was? Maybe nothing? Maybe he just waited for the next ego supply? As I looked forward to the next life chapter? I see now we were never on the same path.